2 min read
Rise your hand if you like guys who fuck their dead brother’s wives. Anybody? You guys don’t like that? If you’re into that kind of thing, I have the perfect man (book boyfriend) for you. Presenting…… Maxim Trevelyan! I getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning. Oh, wait. . . that was the beginning. That’s exactly how the book starts.
The Mister by E.L. James is beyond disappointing. It was inadequate, mediocre, and extremely displeasing.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a messy review so I’m going to have a bit of fun with this one.
First, let’s hear from the author. . .
London, 2019. Life has been easy for Maxim Trevelyan. With his good looks, aristocratic connections, and money, he’s never had to work and he’s rarely slept alone. But all that changes when tragedy strikes and Maxim inherits his family’s noble title, wealth, and estates, and all the responsibility that entails. It’s a role he’s not prepared for and one that he struggles to face.
But his biggest challenge is fighting his desire for an unexpected, enigmatic young woman who’s recently arrived in England, possessing little more than a dangerous and troublesome past. Reticent, beautiful, and musically gifted, she’s an alluring mystery, and Maxim’s longing for her deepens into a passion that he’s never experienced and dares not name. Just who is Alessia Demachi? Can Maxim protect her from the malevolence that threatens her? And what will she do when she learns that he’s been hiding secrets of his own?
From the heart of London through wild, rural Cornwall to the bleak, forbidding beauty of the Balkans, The Mister is a roller-coaster ride of danger and desire that leaves the reader breathless to the very last page.
Review starts here
Look, who are we kidding here? It’s time to admit the truth – 50 Shades Of Grey was E.L. James’s one hit wonder. It is what it is. There’s no shame in stating the obvious. We’re all adults here. She became a multimillionaire from it. Rumor has it, The Mister made over $900,000 on Amazon US alone after one day. I’m sure she doesn’t give a fuck.
The Mister is just a mess. I’m going to try to break this down into bullet points.
- The writing was all over the damn place. Nothing flowed.
- Told from dual POV’s but the female character, Alessia is written in third person.
- They switch POV’s 3-4 times per chapter. It took all my energy just to work out who said what.
- It’s a 500+ page book but a good 250 of those pages were useless.
- He’s rich and he fucks anything moving.
- He fucks his dead brother’s wife a few days after his death. Oh, that’s sexy *eye roll*
“And because I’m hurting, too—because I miss him, too—and Caroline is my connection to him, my lips find hers and I ease her onto her back.” – Maxim
- She cleans his house where she finds used condoms in the waste basket. We all know rich men do not leave used condoms in the trash because there are nasty women out there who would “turkey baster” that shit.
- But somehow, the first time they lay eyes on each other they’re in love. Yeah, sure….let’s go with that.
- Every single time they have sex it’s documented in detail. I love a good sex scene but if they have sex eighty-three times in the book, there is no need to read about it. You can allude to once in awhile. I don’t need eighty-three reenactments!!!
Talk about a slow burn book. Nothing happens for the first 45% besides Maxim having sex, doing coke, or whining about have to work for the first time in his life. The next 40% consisted of useless scenes of them eating dinner, cooking breakfast, walking around town, having sex, talking, showering, getting dressed, looking for socks, blow drying hair, looking out the window, getting in the car, going to the gas station, shopping for food and clothes, talking, sleeping, watching each other sleep, washing clothes, ironing. . .
You want me to stop don’t you?
Yeah, that’s how I felt reading this damn book. I don’t want to do laundry or look for socks in real life. Why. The. Fuck. would I want to read about it. No, just no. There was a least five times they stopped for gas throughout the book. I get it, a car needs gas to run. IDGAF! I was so over it.
Eventually something happened but it wasn’t exciting, just a little racism, no big deal. It wouldn’t be a good book without calling an entire nation’s men rapists and woman beaters. Of course a white guy had to come in a save all those silly little illegal immigrants from their oppressors.
Get the fuck out of here! How ignorant can you be to not know this shit is offensive?!?!?! Where the fuck is her editor? I need to talk to them. This is ridiculous.
I know E.L. James is not hurting for money so she’s not overly concerned about the quality of her books. She is well aware that putting her name on a book guarantees impressive sales. But, I don’t give a fuck who you are, you cannot go around speaking ill of people based on their nationality.
Now, for the important questions. . .
Do I recommend this book? Hell no! Please don’t waste your time and money
Will I read another book by this author? Nope, I’m tapping out.
I did something I have NEVER done before in all my years of reading on my Kindle. I returned a book. That speaks volumes, folks.
I hope I didn’t get too messy!
TTYL, lovers. . .
I want to apologize to the Albanian community for this offensive portrayal of your country, people, and culture. The way you were depicted was unacceptable and offensive. You are so much more than what was written about you. In today’s society there are so many people who commit hate crimes based on a false narrative put up others and this was distasteful. I’m not going to go into detail with what was said exactly because I won’t spend those kind of lies on my blog.
Remember to follow all things messy. . .
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20 thoughts on “The Mister by E.L. James”
Great honest review! I picked this up from the library yesterday sadly. I’m not expecting greatness, but I at least wanted to try to read it before I give up lol! I must be a sucker for punishment!
Thank you so much! At least you didn’t waste your money one it. I’m interested to know what you think. I know a lot of people who couldn’t finish it.
I was thinking about purchasing it for second, but then I read the excerpt on Goodreads and took that thought back! lol
I think you are making a very wise decision 😆
Haha it’s been so long since you wrote a review like this and I loved every minute of it! Wendy Williams was reading from this book the other day on her show and I knew just from that, that I wasn’t going to read it!😂💜
Thank you so much, Susan. I tried to be a good girl for a bit 😉 It was boring 😂 I knew it wasn’t going to be amazing but no one could have predicted how bad it really was going to be.
I never had the desire to read the book, but reading your review was awesome! I probably shouldn’t have laughed quite as hard as I did. I’d give you a five star rating for your post. 😂
Trust me, you have the right idea! I glad you enjoyed it. I always tried to be honest to you guys. 😊❤️
I was eager to read your review when I saw your IG post and I loved your honesty. You made me chuckle. 🙂 To be honest, I didn’t expect much from her – Grey wasn’t good either.
When I read Grey, I was like – WTF is this? Grey was nothing like how he was portrayed in FSOG. I didn’t bother with Darker b/c I didn’t want to read that mess again.
I didn’t read Darker either.
I haven’t read any of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” books and I intend never to do so. This novel sounds terrible too, and the part about the male lead having sex with his dead brother’s wife before he’s even cold in the ground is really icky (b/c he misses him and she’s his connection to him?) 😀 I just don’t think most regular working-class Americans can relate to a spoiled rich white guy who’s having a struggle over having to work for the first time in his life. Great review, the problem with these mega-rich authors is that they could publish their shopping list and have it become a number #1 bestseller. 😛
Exactly! Just think about people in airports walking around and seeing EL James on a book – they are going to pick it up. She knows that. I can’t knock her hustle but it makes me feel bad for indie authors who have actual skills and aren’t appreciated.
I always love your messy reviews! I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but I’m still curious…Maybe I’ll wait and see if it goes on sale – lol! 😂
Thank you so much!!!! I’d say wait until it’s available at the library. LOL!!!!! I don’t want you to waste your money. xoxo
Hi Danielle! That’s a messy review indeed LOL I confess that I was sceptical when I saw that she would release that book and I did not pre ordered it but decided to wait and read (many) reviews. To get a feel you know! So this one is really bad (not that your post is bad but that you did not like it) and I will wait to read others before deciding. But honestly if there is too much sex it’s not interesting anymore …
haha! love your review!!!
you know people started hating me for my review but what can i say.. like my bff and google told me even yahoo despises this book!
Thank you so much!!! Some people can’t handle other people having a different opinion than their own. I’ve gotten a few nasty emails and FB messages from folks calling me everything but my name.
Literally the best review and honest review out there!!! And I agree. I gave up after the first chapter. I am done reading about men who sleep with about anything and women who are innocent virgins (assuming she’s a virgin since I didn’t finish) that don’t know what handcuffs are. And am glad u recognized the racism cuz no one else seems to Care
Thank you, Rubina. You got it 💯 right – the girl was a virgin. No surprise from James 🤦🏾♀️ I lost so much respect for her as a person for how dismissive she is of other cultures. No respect. I can never support her because of that.