Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! WTF!
My soul, my soul, my soul….
Fuck my life….just a bit of venting. The feels I’m having after reading A Love So Tragic by Stevie J. Cole is messing with my soul.
Just an FYI, there is cheating in this book, so if that is a trigger for you turn away now….
I’m about to get really fucking messy with this one….but first a word from the author….
We all make them. Sometimes we break them. But what happens when the promise you break haunts your dreams, when that moment of betrayal echoes within every last beat of your heart?
Love is passionate, painful, and all consuming in the most brutal yet beautiful way. How many people have you said ‘I love you’ to? Five, ten, maybe no one? I’ve said that word to two men, but only one where I felt it.
This word sums up my relationship with Nicolas: devastating, painful, depressing.
A first love that should have lasted a lifetime, but I ruined with a stupid decision. Nicolas is my star crossed lover, and even though Shakespeare has taught me that stories such as ours always end in tragedy, I can’t not love him, even if I’m married to someone else.
I’m struggling on how I want to start this review, so bear with me. I sometimes write all over the place – blame it on my ADHD – so this one will most likely be worse than normal.
Disclaimer: I have been told by loads and loads of people that I think and have emotions similar to guys, therefore in the case of this book, I may come off a little insensitive to the whole cheating aspect.
From the prologue…
“You may say what I did was wrong, and I don’t deny that. But if you understood the way my heart felt, staying faithful would have been unforgivable.”
Peyton and Nicolas are soulmates, there is no denying that – but Peyton is married to another man, Isaac. Nicolas was her first love but she broke his heart when she slept with her ex, Issac, when they broke-up for 2 weeks. And then she told him about it. I’m going to honest, I wouldn’t have said a damn thing, but that’s just me. He didn’t need to know that, IMO. All it would do is cause him to hurt so why do it? Y’all weren’t together at the time and her telling him was more her than him.
Now let me explain myself here….
When you are not with someone and you have sex with someone else, that is not cheating. You may feel bad about it but you still want to be with your them. So, you decide to tell them because you think it’s the right thing to do.
Here’s the question….
The right thing for you or the right thing for them? Is it because you feel guilty? Is it because you think it will make your relationship better by breaking their fucking heart? Newsflash, it won’t!
IMO, confessing can be selfish at times. You think you can’t live with the guilt of not telling them? Okay, sure….but can you live without them? Because they just might leave your ass when you tell them you fucked somebody else. If you can’t live your life without them, why risk your relationship by telling them? Why let them hurt forever because you wanted to clear your conscience?….You better find a different way. Pray, light some candles, confess to your priest or whatever else you think might work.
Now back to my review….
Of course they break up and Peyton starts seeing Issac again but this time she gets knocked up and Issac marries her. Nicolas, is just devastated and struggles for years to open up his heart again. But they find their way back to each other after 4 years apart.
I told ya, soulmates. 🙂
They try to say they are just going to be friends but come on now, you can’t be friends with someone you are still in love with. Let’s keep it 100 Peyton and Nicolas….they start an affair.
“As much as you may want to, you can’t make yourself love someone, and as much as it sucks, you can’t make yourself not love someone either. Love is its own fucking beast.”
You see Peyton was never in love with Issac, so is it fair to him staying in a marriage where he is never truly loved?
“Sometimes we make a mistake that can never be undone. We hurt people we never intend to hurt, and it isn’t until years later we realize that although we hurt them, letting them go was the kindest thing we could have done.”
Settling hurts just as much as cheating. I would rather be loved completely than live in a loveless marriage. If your not in love with me, please go, let me find someone who will love me the way I deserve. It might hurt like hell to watch you leave but at least I’m able to find who and what I deserve.
I do believe that in the case of this book the situation could have been handled better but when are standing face to face with the love of your life all logic goes out of the window. You may make some bad decisions. Peyton and Nicolas definitely made some bad decisions. It is not the way I would have gone about it. I would have gotten divorced first and them been with Nicolas.
Peyton once asked yourself….
“What will the truth do the man who says he loves me? What would I be doing to him?”
There’s the million dollar question….
What pulled at my heart strings was how much cheating affected Nicolas life when he was younger. His mom cheated on his dad and it tore their family apart. He grew up believing that cheating meant the person was too weak. He despised cheating yet he was doing it and didn’t feel guilty about it. He wanted to feel guilty but he couldn’t.
“Love can make you do things you never thought you would. Maybe those people I thought were week, maybe they weren’t – that weakness may have been a strength. The people I thought were selfish, they could have been desperate. Because right now, I just realized that whether she leaves him or not, I won’t leave her. I have no idea who I am anymore….”
Peyton never should have married Issac, she never should have cheated with Nicolas but life isn’t a goddamn fairytale so what can you do. I didn’t think she was a bad person. I think both her and Nicolas made some mistakes but does that mean they shouldn’t be happy? I don’t fucking think so.
Side note -Now let me also say – I think her husband was cheating on her too. The book never says it but if you read between the lines, it’s there. It may be blurred but it’s there. What I would have done was track his ass to see if he was cheating before I did anything else. But I’m a wee bit on the crazy side so….whatever.
Go on and read the book. After you finish let me know how you feel. I’m just curious and nosey.
Alright, it’s time to get pretty again and clean up this mess. Until next time….
One thought on “A Love So Tragic by Stevie J. Cole”